Looking at the blue print of a healthy relationship-marriage or a long-term partnership, friendship is foundational. It is also ever changing. What you knew bout your partner before may not be true now. Staying current with the ups and downs of your partner’s world, knowing your partner and tuning into his or her world is a vital part of a relationship. It keeps the relationship fresh.
Ideally, a marriage or relationship is a sharing of each other’s story. The intimacies between partners remains private. it is as if the relationship is on an island, no others may inhabit their island. When a partner begins to share their intimacies with another outside of the relationship, the slippery slop to betrayal can begin. If this other relationship is secret, if what is shared between the two would be objectionable to the other partner a breach of trust and fidelity has begun.
As one partner begins to reach for companionship, intimacy, approval-“you look pretty, you are desired”, etc from someone other than the relationship partner, the primary relationship further devolves into isolation and disconnection. Ultimately, the relationship between the partners is jeopardized.
Infidelity typically begins with secrets and conflict avoidance. When one feels that there is a disconnect in the relationship or that their needs are not being met the relationship needs repair. having the ability to talk to one’s partner about their needs provides and opportunity for repair before infidelity and breach of trust occurs.
Sometimes couples need help finding the way. If your friendship is not as intimate as it used to be, if your emotional and physical connection feels distant, perhaps relationship/marriage/couples counseling can help.
Cathy Cosentino, Esq., LCASA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Couples Counseling (in person and online via telehealth)
1213 Culbreth Road, Suite 110, Wilmington, NC
201 485 9558 Cathycosentino@msn.com